Correspondence with Shekinah

 Dated :

Re: Safeguarding investigation meeting

AV

Artby Valerio

To:

John Hamblin; Peter Woad

Fri 25/03/2022 11:59

Good morning John 

I fail to understand your capacity to be affronted by what was a relatively concise , albeit abrupt response 

Your perfectly reasonable question wasn't received until after the point of the proposed meeting had taken place  ( as disclosed and as formerly mentioned , is common knowledge amongst your staff ....that my means of picking up and or responding to email correspondence is limited wholly to the facilities at Shekinah 24 , ) ....can you see the failing here ? 

Having sent an email instruction to attend a meeting with yourself  , despite severing the means to intercept said email with the request to not attend the premises while this questionable investigation was being undertaken ( without suitable opportunity for rebuttal to date ) 

So in the interim weeks I have been making suitable use of my time with extraneous projects , not checking my emails ....but managing to conduct suitable business without being reliant on this single means of communication , but in lieu of hearing any feedback from your organization other than the assumption that I should have received an email via telepathy presumably I have been left in a confounded state of frustration , given the nature of your organisation I would feel you might have resilience to accommodate an emotionally charged response resultant from such poor handling 

My concern for your attempt to de legitimise my pursuits while in this state of imposed hiatus is limited ... And I have no need to offer additional justification to assuage the palpable distrust that comes across in your discourteous handling of this debacle 

Seeing as I am not being given suitable opportunity for defense against this ' complaint ' which still has not been fully explained to me , I'll write out my concerns here and we can see where we end up 

The allegations : 

As I understand it , It was considered a 'safeguarding ' concern , that some of the images displayed in the art room 

From the cursory discussion I had with Roseanna in the office of 24 the week before the suspension occured , she raised concerns , based on a site visit from a member of Plymouth city council ( an absurd organisation I have a chequered history with ...including the specific individual that has snowballed this triviality to its current state ) that impressions of ' life drawing nudity ' within the art room were able to be deemed as inappropriate , potentially triggering materials for specific individuals that may well be attending the proposed course 

The images themselves : charcoal renderings of figurative studies - by no means gratuitous of expletive ....on this count I did concede ! I agreed to remove the potentially offending art works ( despite it being a perfectly valid visual demonstration of some of the skillsets I have become proficient enough in to actually be able to offer instruction for ) 

I finished up that week , concluded the Thursday and Friday sessions 

By the following Wednesday , Roseanna had attempted to contact me via e mail , but was able to use her good sense when she hadn't heard from me via that means to follow up with the courtesy call that same afternoon to ensure that I had received to instruction to not attend the following day ( that would be the usually scheduled Thursday on to Friday rotation that I have maintained despite zero encouragement for the entire 3 years of our ' working relationship ' 

Another aspect of concern was I believe a visual ' probably ' one of the semi political signages that I have had to use in genuine real world international pop up scenarios that have demonstrably ensured that I have remained clothed, fed and housed at times that social support structures have left a great deal to be desired , again this would equate to an aspect if a tried and tested portfolio that offers a means to attest that I am in fact qualified to offer insight or suggestion within the discipline i am offering instruction 

I understand that ' eat out to help out ' and even 'Brexit refugee ' are issues being contested , in previous conversations with Nabs regarding these same issues I have issued the ultimatum " if you wish to offer a written list of things that I am not allowed to broach - then I would certainly be willing to consider those terms " but this was sidestepped and no formal resolve was reached 

Chronology : 

I feel that if you were actually investigating this issue ...the fact the ' street art signages ' i.e what I am assuming the other potentially offensive materials to be have in fact been in situ since they were originally stuck to the wall ....about 8 months ago , when we were in a nonsensical lockdown and any bit of humour was worth its weight in gold .... I simply did not have the time to censor my own creations , I didn't consider it a priority as for every single one of those 8 months we have been working in the assumption that we are dismantling this building and moving to another asap 

The fact that I don't actually have any contractual terms , despite being in receipt of payment for services rendered is really the original point of my offense to this whole scenario, the level of assumptive disciplinary authority despite the fact that I am not beholden to any contractual obligations ,

As it stands , I am not impressed ! And as such would be more than happy to take this opportunity to cease all and any collaborative measures that have been taken to date ...

But these are trying times , and I do believe in maintaining civility as and where possible 

So if you are willing to discuss this matter further , sensibly and with suitable structure then I certainly would be too and indeed feel it would probably be the most prudent course of action for all parties concerned 

I look forward to hearing from you

Regards 

Aaron Valerio 

---

From: John Hamblin <john.hamblin@shekinah.co.uk>
Sent: 24 March 2022 15:32
To: Artby Valerio <artbyvalerio@hotmail.co.uk>; Peter Woad <peter.woad@shekinah.co.uk>
Subject: Re: Safeguarding investigation meeting

 

Dear Aaron

Thanks for getting back to us. After considering your comments I would like to respond.

Firstly, I have to say I am disappointed at the tone of your email. You were asked a perfectly reasonable question (i.e. why you had not attended the meeting), in view of the fact that we had not heard from you. I see no reason for the discourteous response.

Secondly, the email inviting you to the meeting was sent on 10^th March, the day after you were requested to stay away from work whilst the safeguarding issue was investigated. Since I was on annual leave last week, the meeting was arranged for as soon as was reasonably practical. 

Thirdly, I am not persuaded by your explanation for failing to attend the meeting. The invitation email was sent to you nearly 2 weeks in advance, thus giving you more than sufficient opportunity to see it. You were also requested to let us know if you were unable to attend.

I have however been able to complete the safeguarding investigation to my satisfaction and have concluded that the safeguarding complaint should be upheld. In view of this, I have decided that it would not be appropriate to use you to deliver training courses at 24 going forward. 

If you would like to arrange an appointment to see me, I am more than happy to discuss this further. 

Regards

John Hamblin

John Hamblin​ Chief Executive t. 01752 203480 m. 07889683010 Website    Email

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Shekinah Mission (Plymouth) Ltd is a company registered in England number 04687832 & a registered Charity number 1097409. The company's registered office is Bath St, Plymouth, PL1 3LT. This message contains confidential information and is intended only for the intended recipients. If you are not an intended recipient you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately by e-mail if you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete this e-mail from your system. E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free as information could be intercepted, corrupted, lost, destroyed, arrive late or incomplete, or contain viruses. The sender therefore does not accept liability for any errors or omissions in the contents of this message, which arise as a result of e-mail transmission. If verification is required please request a hard-copy version.

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From: Artby Valerio <artbyvalerio@hotmail.co.uk>
Sent: 24 March 2022 09:09
To: Peter Woad <peter.woad@shekinah.co.uk>
Cc: John Hamblin <john.hamblin@shekinah.co.uk>
Subject: Re: Safeguarding investigation meeting

 

Good morning Peter , 

I have found your adopted standard procedure as somewhat lacking in efficaciousness 

It was quite by chance that I happened to phone Rob in the office of 24 yesterday afternoon as I have found the lack of engagement over the passed weeks to be somewhat disconcerting , it was I am you can imagine quite a surprise to me to hear that I had in fact had a meeting scheduled with yourselves for that same Wednesday morning ! Remarkable that almost every member of staff seemed to be aware of this meeting other than myself ....

Do you not consider a confirmation of a meeting to be a pre requisite to said meeting ? You might find this to be a beneficial step when conducting these proceedings in the future

I think a cursory aspect of your investigation should have rendered the common knowledge , that due to a series of administrative failings during the pandemic I am located out if the city and that my usual practice for e mail correspondence is to use the facilities at Shekinah 24 for these purposes , I do not have a reliable signal due to transience and indeed there are extended windows where I am unable to access online content at all , which is why I always insist on a follow up call for matters of urgency ( all if this is ,as I say common knowledge within the Shekinah administrative staff )  

First and foremost I take exception to the erroneous nature by which these claims have been made and also the seemingly haphazard follow up in this unfathomable protocol 

Second of all , Wednesday 23rd I was flying back from Amsterdam so it would certainly not have been possible for me to attend your presumptuous summons 

In light of the three year history and in some cases progressions that have been made in that time , I would be willing to meet to discuss these and additional matters but I hope you find the means to entertain how prudent it might be to ascertain a mutually suitable window 

I can offer you Monday afternoon or Wednesday morning at a time to be determined by yourselves 

I have subsequently had to take great pains thus morning to secure a suitable terminal with adequate signal to be able to compose this e mail , but I do feel that at least one if us should be seen to be making suitable efforts to resolve this utterly absurd hiatus 

Regards 

Aaron Valerio 

---

From: Peter Woad <peter.woad@shekinah.co.uk>
Sent: 23 March 2022 15:54
To: Artby Valerio <artbyvalerio@hotmail.co.uk>
Cc: John Hamblin <john.hamblin@shekinah.co.uk>
Subject: Fw: Safeguarding investigation meeting

 

Dear Aaron

Please could you let me know why you did not attend the safeguarding investigation meeting this morning with John and myself.

Regards

Peter

Peter Woad​ HR Manager t. 01752 276923 m. 07582 583705 Website    Email

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Shekinah Mission (Plymouth) Ltd is a company registered in England number 04687832 & a registered Charity number 1097409. The company's registered office is Bath St, Plymouth, PL1 3LT. This message contains confidential information and is intended only for the intended recipients. If you are not an intended recipient you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately by e-mail if you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete this e-mail from your system. E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free as information could be intercepted, corrupted, lost, destroyed, arrive late or incomplete, or contain viruses. The sender therefore does not accept liability for any errors or omissions in the contents of this message, which arise as a result of e-mail transmission. If verification is required please request a hard-copy version.

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From: Peter Woad
Sent: 10 March 2022 15:11
To: Artby Valerio <artbyvalerio@hotmail.co.uk>
Cc: John Hamblin <john.hamblin@shekinah.co.uk>
Subject: Safeguarding investigation meeting

 

Dear Aaron

As part of the Safeguarding investigation currently in progress, I am writing to invite you to attend an investigation meeting on Wednesday 23^rd March at 10.00 a.m. at Shekinah Mission, Bath Street, so that the matter may be discussed with you.

In attendance at the meeting will be John Hamblin, and myself to take notes. Please bring with you any information that you think might be useful to the investigation.

If you wish, you may be accompanied by a trade union representative or a colleague. However, your companion will not be able to answer questions on your behalf.

To ensure that the investigation can be conducted as fairly as possible we request that you keep the matter, and anything discussed at the investigation meeting, confidential. Any breach of confidentiality may be considered to be a disciplinary matter.

If you are unable to attend the meeting please contact me as soon as possible, so that alternative arrangements can be made.

Yours sincerely

Peter

Another labor counciler

 Good Afternoon to you .....

Update on vague summary so far 

 well that's fantastic ... You would both be welcome of course ☺️

That's quite alright , I can relate ... It's important to make time for yourself amongst all the things that have to be done 

Well , it's an interesting little set of circumstances down in Plymouth it has to be said ... I have my own little skewed perspective about what's going on , there seems a lot of infighting amongst the candidates that are left running so I can't see a functioning coalition being formed after the next election .... Everybody is trying to take public credit for pretty much anything and everything... Whilst trying to distance themselves from various precedents ...

It's quite amusing to watch ... 

At the moment I'm just muddling through some paperwork - the council have yet again - seemingly disregarded my FOI and are being incredibly evasive in all matters ...

I think my next step is to issue ultimatum for compliance or I will escalate the criminal complaint to include intentional perversion of the course of justice on top of the outlying charge sheet ...then I'll get some summons out ...

But there's a lot going on🤔 

It seems myself and others have accumulatively moved some of the rigidity in our acts and statutes ...it's taken some work to ensure that the individual at executive level can now be tried outside of the official position of their office responsible for administrative failings...so , I don't know if you remember me mentioning it in the train , but it basically means that both the organization and department can be held to account through scrutiny if professional conduct and adherence to statues such as duty if care etc 

But also the individual at the point of the executive decision can now also be directly challenged for conduct in office ...even if they are out of office ( obviously with the election coming up - that's a big factor ) 

I can't imagine where Bingley went ( I'll show you my last poignantly dated message to him ) 

Or why former leader Kelly is having heart issues ....

There seem to be a couple if councillors that are running campaigns but really don't want to be left holding the position 🤔 

So I think , between myself and straw , despite us not being in direct collaboration ...have managed to rattle the cage 

I would be curious to know if you have any official or unofficial opinions about the circus in the city though ...

Very best wishes and I hope to catch up soon

It's a long road out of Eden

 " Ciao Aaron, I was thinking of you as I was trying to put the last 7 years of my life into a "hero's journey"... just playing a writing game, a little exercise, call it what you want...and when I was wondering who was the "mentor" figure that helped me flip some things in my life you came up naturally. And I realised I haven't replied to your message more than a year ago! " 

                           -----------------

"Sometimes there are things that people like me would not like to share even with their therapists.. even would not like to be discuss with myself ..so better feel like to ask someone who might have an opinion and welcoming the topic natural as well.."

                           ---------------------

" Always a challenging conversation , a nice cup of tea ....usually insisting on walking through the woods, even when it's raining cats and dogs -  which is not my go to activity , but always worth it " 

                             -----------------

" Sorted my housing dispute in 5 weeks - the council have been promising for 3 years , can't thank you enough " 

                               --------------

" Living in the city , I thought I was happy ...went to see Mr Valerio for a few days - this guy's like something out of Waldo's frontier ! Thoroughly recommend " 

                                -------------

" Sailed from Falmouth to Looe in a squall - one of the best days out I've ever had , genuinely thought I might die - only time I've ever felt ok about it " 

                                  ---------

Life travels in loops and cycles , sometimes great big loops spin by , other times it's little cyclical funnels ....but it's always nice when even through the mists of time someone dear to you offers you such accolades ...

It's funny how coincidences can align ... When the world gives you a bit of a kicking , you kick right back - make it a first fight , a bar room brawl , a melee ..... If you are fighting for the right reasons - you'll at least get a beer at the end of it x

I've recently been working through some legal cases , it's been a different paradigm to usual , usually I have to spend time at the end of an exhibition circuit dealing with legalese, not that often that I start an exhibition this way ...

So I recently switched the nature of my business from " Art Gallery and creative practices " to " non profit creative practices " 

I mused over this for a long time before deciding to commit to it ( although when I changed the category - the entire listed catalogue under the " products and services " vanished ....

I suppose I should have thought of that ...never mind 

Non Profit - community orientated enterprise delivering instruction and tuition in empowerment and self definition through the application and engagement with ' creative practices ' 

I think that just about covers it - first class course in legitimate non compliance ?! 

The encouraged addiction of the age is the blind frenzied , obsessive compulsive acquisition that I have previously coined and written about , in this age of incessant cost cuts and profit margin maximisation through expensive outsourcing outfits and consultancy ...

Ive spent many an hour in many a varied terrain and social dynamic - I like a humble little day , simple things ...

Despite the inarguable fact that the cumulative value of the products and services within my little catalogue of hobbies and commercially viable pastimes is demonstrably extensive these days ... 

If I go ahead and earn too much money in a year , then I am eligible under threat of penalisation to kick a larger proportion of my income ( derived through perpetual nervous breakdown - ) into the government's consolidated fund ...

Anyone that is familiar with my notion on this subject will of course be well aware that I did my utmost to avoid (where possible) paying into this fund 

The Arts Hole - was borne in the back of the idea , if I can control my product , I have the means to have full control over my income , I can accept and refuse sales of product or service to maintain the lowest obligation possible for paying into the Iraq war or the financial crisis bailout ....but if a government looks like it might actually fix a road or suitable fund the NHS and the additional infrastructure staff of this country ....well , then I'd be happy to reconsider, but otherwise , don't bother me , I'm stressed enough as it is ! 

Now over the past decade and a half or more - I have had to ' official complaint ' - ' matters in dispute ' - refuse to offer compliance on the grounds that ....

There has been loads of it , in fact I'd wager that over the past ten years I have easily spent as much time in litigation as I have in the studio - which is why I suppose days off feel so foreign to me these days ...

Over recent months and weeks , the underlying sense of civil I'll ease has become more and more palpable , on top of the escalations of the imposed austerity from the previous decade ...  I have made my observations as they have unfurled ...

I think  this is an interesting little time in history ! 

And best we can do ...is what we can within our means x

The Arts Hole and the Last S.T.R.A.W

 What a fucking eight odd weeks it's been ...

Odd, odd is definitely a good word for it , fortunately, I know who I am and I know what I'm about ...it'd be bloody easy to loose your way otherwise....

I recommend keeping notes too ...

I don't know about any of these other people ....

Ok - wtf ?!? 

Let's put a lid on this last little sequence of events 

Feb 14 - misvelleanous personal circumstances 

March 2 - miscellaneous personal circumstance 

March 2 - follow up conversation with councillor ( as detailed in previous post ) 

March 4 - message sent to councilor Richard Bingley ( as detailed in previous post ) 

March 4 - message sent to Tudor Evans ( as detailed in post ) 

March 2- 

March 5 - meeting with former manager from my position as tutoring for the probation and rehabilitation services 

March 5

March 5 -  into look pollard Labour MP involved in previous disputes during lockdown 

March - instruction issued and pursued to cut down trees in armada way - intervention by court injunction - only a few trees saved !

March - Richard Bingley Tory leader resigns from position 

March - TUSC ask a rather meek , pre written question to the former council leader , who of course is no longer in office 

March - former Councilor Kelly steps down due to heart related health issues 

March 13 - additional council resignations 

March - Devon charities to have funding structure halved and expenditures scrutinized 

March - Cornwall council decide against the appointing of a mayor for the county 

March - additional invitation extended to straw to collaborate in efforts to remove potential common enemies from public office - 

April - run up to the election - candidates announced 

Now look at em run , jeez what a fucking shit show , Tudor Evans Labor cabinet and the whoever's Tory cabinet ( formerly a coalition with interchangable positions anyway ) a sort of ramshackle remnants of whoever hadn't quit 

And a few independents , although as I understand it - they may have messed up on some of the categorization stuff and so might now technically be running against each other ?! 

The greens -  Tories on bycles ( also seem to be heavily steeped in the STRAW campaign ) and the trade union and socialist coalition - which I am becoming more and more sceptical about as the campaign runs on as they just seem desperate to align themselves with the STRAW campaign and well to win notoriety and votes 

It's a proper cat fight out there ...

I wonder where it has left to go in the closing days of this election run up - personally , well, personally I hope everyone realized that day the difference between democracy and voluntary suffrage ....

I hope the only people that turn out for any of these clowns are the sad act sycophants and family member that have basically been the ballast that has kept them in the game so far ....

I hope they scrape in less than a measly 10 % of the vote and are left scratching Thier heads and Thier arses wondering if they can mandate anything anyway - I doubt any of them could seriously manage such a task anyway ....

....wondering , even if they did try to mandate something - would people even take them seriously ?

A little break in this bullshit carousel of nonsense might not be such a bad thing ...

A little hiatus while we figure out where all of these fucking people even come from ...these career politicians , might not be such a bad idea to figure out where and how the shits getting in before we start to lay a new carpet ? 

Messages to TUSC Plymouth

The first message is from the 27 Oct 2020 - to a comrade of mine that is involved with the Trade Union and Socialist Coalition in Plymouth - we met during the occupy movement and I hope that I consider him a friend .... But who knows in this crazy age of the charlatan ..... Of gaslighting and smoke , mirrors , cloaks and daggers .....

" Yo man ..... How the devil are your domesticated tribulations you utter rapscallion 😇....what's your jazz like at the moment ? Just wanted to remention this X Good Evening , I do hope that you are fairing well through all of these current absurdities...... I do hope you will excuse the message out of the proverbial blue .... But I am getting in touch with a few of the interesting individuals in my Plymouth contact list and so wanted to send you a little notice that as of Monday next week I will have a little 'acess to Art and Design course ' running here in Plymouth . Based at the training facility at 24 Stonehouse street ....a six week course with funded places available for anyone you know on low income or U.C .... A great little intro into using creative tendency to circumvent these weird times .... As a therapeutic outlet and a viable economic tool , personally I am calling it a first class course in rebellion ... And there is actually an accredited educational award to be gained from completion .... Please do feel free to put anyone you know that might be interested in touch with me directly or via Shekinah .....very best wishes and big hugs . Stay safe etc X "

This second message was sent on the 05/ 03/2023 

 " Good Morning to you R.

I consider it noteworthy ...that I have not heard from you regarding my current legal position i e. Intentionally coming for some demonstrably dead wood within the ranks of this cities administrative capacity .

One might consider - since our original meeting all those years ago during occupy, that your apparent vying for a desk job - might not carry the merit that my own bloody determined fighting to simply maintain a little creative integrity - here in this funny little city 

That you have foolishly pooled a property interest in , despite my advise to the contrary - a man I have heard say " but I've got to think of my family first " ....

I can't help but wonder sir , I am sorry to say ....whether perhaps your moral compass may have become compromised to some degree 

I do hope that you and the family are indeed well 

And despite a wry look in your direction at present , I do look forward to catching up soon ....

The Original Arts Hole Vs Plymouth city council and the broader support and education services -the culmination of a ten year legal battle against one of the funniest little local authorities in the land

Exhibition and workshop series 2023 

A fine example of why it's probably better to just have a functioning complaints and accountability procedure x

Oh p.s # did a cross dressing socialist just poach my girlfriend ? 

.....🙄 Politics 😤 " 

But of a change in pace I guess ....what's the pandemic fine to us as a people ....jeeezuz 

to" know thyself ".....especially in a gaslit age like this

 

Ive been called many things over the course of my lifetime , some of them hurt more than others .... The worst is when it's a silent accusation , or an air of gossip based on misunderstanding ...especially if that then proves to be detrimental to a relationship either romantic or professional ....

I don't mind admitting that I've been beyond rattled of late ... More so than usual ...I know right ! 

Nervous breakdowns are a common hazard in this line of work - a little burnout through stress or heartbreak seems to be just part and parcel of it ... So it's important to know that ....

one , it's generally relatively short lived ...although compounded PTSD can be a real issue ( but again all the more reason to know your limits and who you are even when teetering on the extremities of those limits ) .the old saying that all things are temporary is definitely true - including your temperaments and states of mind .

And , two , you know how to sure up a little when things get weird ....

An experienced artist like an experienced psychonaught know how to traverse such tricky and weird waters ...." Aw yeah , realities bending a bit here ...better accommodate for it " 

And things are often weird when you look at stuff with a broad perspective the kind of broad perspective that only a true understanding of the terrain can encapsulate ....

So during my most recent existential crisis , a remarkable combination of heartbreak , stress of an impending exhibition and a high court legal battle ... I have had to take a few weeks just to ' sure up ' so to speak ... 

No mean feat in this gaslit nation - second guess yourself at every turn .

Shoukd I vote for labour or Tory ?

Leave or remain ?

Buy a house or emigrate ?

Take the vaccine or abstain ?

....am I an international artisan or a mad shut in ? ( This one is definitely dependent on time of year ) 

There is of course a  historic and cultural prevalence to the nature of gossip and story telling , at what point it becomes frivolous storytelling or malicious hearsay is difficult to know ...

So when you think about it , kids really display the tribal basics of the societal dynamic in Thier play and social structures ...even kids at a very young age demonstrate an ability to form packs with evident hierarchy - there are leaders and followers there are independent kids , needy kids .... Kids that want to be in charge , kids that want to join in and kids that want to do Thier own thing .... 

Now I've been thinking recently about , well, about many things .... The bain of spending so much time wandering around on your own or spending extended periods isolated and painting .

One of them is just my little reflections on the word gaslighting - 

So when we are in school , it's very common to find social bonds and shifts occuring - young siblings are terrible for it ...before they ascribe the sensation of guilt to it , but it's more fluid in the school play ground without that emotional ' family ' binding structure .

Kids fall in and out of favour with each other for tons of reasons - where they live , what car their parents drive , what trainers are cool , what video game consol is designed the greatest of all time for that particular Christmas , football teams ...even affiliations , think about it , really young boys in groups ostracize the female of the group and vice versa - boys are smelly and dirty - and girls only want to play with girly things - just as a typicality .

And even at this stage - that's gaslighting .

" We arent going to play with you because of your (gender ) " your gender has these undesirable characteristics .

If course the ostracized party is devastated , they stand there torn apart by their peers - wondering if maybe they do smell ? - maybe pink is a silly colour ? 

It's interesting to watch - of course it happens throughout child and adulthood too ...it's brutal out there - the artificial competition is fierce and observation would show that it's largely self generated, and perpetuates all the way up to fanatical hysteria and mob mentality - burning down the middle east for weapons of mass destruction or burning witches - you've got to nip it in the bud because that stuff , if it gets carried away , that stuff is dangerous on a historical level .... 

I've been having a lot of musings ( mostly via YouTube videos ) recently , which got a bit much in the end ...

Dating a narcissist - Are you a Narcissist - is your relationship toxic - what to do if you are discarded by a narcissist - going no contact with a narcissist - narcissistic personality disorders - borderline personality disorders - jeezus on and on it goes - so much of it completely contradictory - it's hard to know ....and I have been through this particular subject extensively in the past , when someone with Narcissistic personality disorder and stress induced manic tendency, accuses you yourself if being a narcissist....that can be one real gruelling , soul searching , constantly questioning nightmare ....

Thankfully , I got my fill of all of the you tube video analysis and therapy sessions and trauma recovery - thousands of videos ....some of them are actually quite helpful , but man there's a ton of shit out there too ....

Again , all the more reason to know yourself ...you can sift through and split up the unbridled opinions of embittered individuals and compare it to the actual experienced therapists with extensive experience and respected practices ...working from case loads - not simply statistics !

Upon reflection - I have considered this at length in the past and have given it dutiful contemplation over the past several weeks , I believe that every human being demonstrate both narcissistic and empathic tendencies , I think a well rounded human has too , to which degree each attribute is in terms of percentage ratios is of course different in each person ... But I believe they are always both present ...of course there are extremes and pathological levels of permanence ...

I think they are both , like all of our characteristics , viable to fluctuation too ....according to varying stimuli - I know personally I can demonstrate narcissistic tendency if I'm feeling competitive or defensive  for a mate ... If I am doing a public appearance I definitely prefer to feel that I look presentable and don't stink , it's part of a common courtesy as much as a desire to project an image - but image is important , especially a professional image ....or so we are told ( again I'm probably too much of an open book for my own good , but I find there are less things to worry about when you don't have to think about omissions made or erroneous details so there is definite overlap - but art should come from your life , right ?) 

A cacophony of thoughts .... 

And it's really un nerving too .... I mean if you are trying not to care about what people think , and you are doing your earnest to pretend that you don't care what they think ...about what you say , or what you paint ....but of course you've got to keep your customer satisfied , right ?  But paint and say what you feel and your customer will find you ....well that's a real stress if you need to make rent ! You need to eat ? You want to compete for a girls affections with some salaried insurance salesman ....so do you pander to the crowd , or do you do your own thing ? ....what even is your own thing ?...has anyone done it before ? Do I even know who I am to be able to determine what my own thing might be off the back of that phantom person ? 

Again , all the more reason to know thyself ....

If you ask yourself these questions , and the schoolyard mentality out there is asking those questions of you too, while offering opinion as to how they would do it and why you should join their club , clan , commune or cause  ...all loaded with societal expectations in its own right, there's a lot to think about ! 

So how the hell do you know yourself ? 

Away from all the noise , all the people and their causes and distractions ....

Breath 

Breath 

I am ....?

I am .... ?

I am in the woods , near some water , I'm listening to the sound of the big wind meeting the earth through the veil of leaves , branches and brush ....

I hear the birds , I feel the sun , I feel the tickle breeze ...the caress of the big wind ! 

I stand in a place where footsteps have trodden over milenia , I consider what the landscape looked like for my forbears , i consider their trials , their woes , their destinations ....I compare those to my own !

I wander home with muddy boots and wet socks , I stop a while to talk aloud with the animals if the field , the birds if the hedgerows and trees , I discuss my considerations for my species thoughts about their place in the food chain , I bud them farewell ....I get home with a renewed sense of appreciation for little comforts , for hot water , a hearty meal , a soft bed ..... Sometimes , a warm embrace ....

That's what helps me , inspires me , gives me a reason to work ...to paint ....to care for the purpose of the endeavour , to strive to be better through practice at all that I might undertake 

Well , who am I? 

Who am I  when I'm angry ? Who am I when I'm happy ? Who am I when I am sad ? Who am I when I'm depressed ? Who am I when I'm drunk , or just generally intoxicated ? .. does being hungry make a difference to any of these conditions ? Does being tired make a difference to any of these conditions ? 

What triggers these responses, how durable are they ?  , and how do I feel about the person I am when I'm in any of those states ? So the I am , the truest " I am " , would be the equilibrium of it, it should be a relatively stable state amid all of these peripheral points , an ideal physical and mental condition within a refined margin ....

Of course , every human has the capacity to exceed even the extremes of these states , catatonic despair , psychopathic rage etc  

So if I am to " know thyself " then I must have at least field tested some of these things ...

Ok so if I drink to much alcoholic drinks , I get a hangover , if I drink to many drinks on an empty stomach , I'll have a really bad hangover ....if I then decide , in that dehydrated state to test to physical endurance , I go running or whatever , then I know sure I'll eventually sweat out the alcohol , but I'll feel like shit before I do , and if I don't hydrate sufficiently, I know I'll run the risk of doing myself some physical damage .... these are systemic truths based on observations....

If I see some act of unimaginable cruelty ...I'm likely to succumb to either an empathic sadness or a defensive rage ....something like that ...

But just from experience , I personally know that I can walk around 10 miles on a few bananas , I'm pretty dehydrated and hungry by the time I get to my destination , and woe betide anyone that asks me a ' silly ' question before I've taken in a few calories , they'll get a whipping from my sharp and savage tongue .

I'm hot , I'm sweaty , I'm moody , my ability to concentrate on things other than the pre fixed motive of moving to a destination is inhibited .... 

Likewise , I can't do a 3 day sequence in a tour schedule ...it's just too much , it feels like I have voluntarily taken all the fun out of what is effectively a pretty stressful endeavour anyway ...

I get cantankerous  ...and begin to begrudge the monotony of my profession ... And I can be downright mean to customers because I'm in such a damn bad mood ! In -excusable ....so I try to make sure I avoid these sorts of inevitabilities....

It's tricky when I write , it's often misconstrued as being written from a default state , but that's seldom the truth , when I write,  it's not often  because I've sat comfortably and composed my thoughts ...it's because it's midnight and the train was cancelled and it's 3 hours until the next one , or it's four in the morning and I'm awake in the middle of the night and unable to sleep ...and feeling pretty pissed off about it , it's a Gonzo rant , an unedited , non promotional material ....and despite all the spelling errors and problems on structure that come with that I've found it to be a remarkable little diary log , that means I don't take all this pent up hostility out in my friends , my family , my customers ....which trust me , they'll tell you , it isn't always completely effective ....

But I really do take exception when some one says that they have read something I've written and based on their assessment it means that Im a misogynist or an arrogant asshole ...it's like , " hey I wrote that equivalence of a blurb of my day after a ten hour journey and the waitress was unreasonably moody and plus my girlfriend wasn't speaking to me that day " you know , there is a gradation to how things are written as well as how things are then interpreted ....but that old saying , dint judge a book by its cover , or it's blurb in this case ....say " hey I read that thing that you wrote , I thought it was offensive because of ....! Would you mind elaborating ? " 

That's much better than " hey I read that thing you wrote and now I think you are stupid and mean " 

I mean jeeez , hey man , fuck you too ....

I think I've put this physical and spiritual entity through its trials and tests and despite needing the constant minor tweaks and self reflections that all good maintenance requires .... I can withstand the accusations, the postulations , the gossip and even being gaslit by governments or girlfriends mother's ....

I guess there are hazards with being a bit of a travelling mystery , often the outsider ...the stranger .... again it goes with the territory of the travelling salesman , the roving artisan .... 

" It's better to be talked about than not " 

It sucks sometimes , it really does ....but someone's got to do it !

And testament would dictate that despite all the opinions all the speculations all the hassles and harrassments  

For all of its flaws , for all of its merits , it's potentials and it's short fallings , it's aspirations and its limitations 

....I  Am x

Definitely a work in progress ... And I couldn't profess to be any less or more, a perfectly flawed human being ....

Just like you  x

 

Tower of Song....

 W.I.P 

'Tower of Song and the weight of the world'

Standard A 1 ( 900mm x 640mm ) on 600 GSM 

Available as part of the touring ' the Arts Hole - let's AV it - exhibition and workshop series 2023 

.... There's a few copies of some of the books I've written being printed up - a dinosaur is under development for Amsterdam at the end of the month ( fuck knows how but I might have been tricked into doing a sort of stand up act - well people are going to sit and drink and laugh while I recount some trauma -interspersed with a few songs - so I'm going to need to be good and drunk for that one ) 

Fabrics - I put out a thing bit too long ago about some garments being made available - and just because we got a good deal at the printers on the  books , we've pressed ahead and done a few ' Arts Hole '  templates so I think that there will probably be t -shirts available too ...that might be limited availablity, but we'll see 

Then end of May , there's a hippy thing in France , so I'll be building yurts and catching up on how everyone is feeling about the pension age 

I suppose I should encourage you to come along to one thing or another - follow the links - buy your e ticket - book with your phone - like - share and subscribe ....

But you know what ....don't bother with any of that x

Pandemonium....

 It's a bloody weird world for sure ...I've always found the tongue in cheek style nuance of some of Bob Dylan's abstract songs comforting in the past ....

A stable home environment, a loving and lovable little pet to care for  ... Ideally some company ( though that avenue just seems frought with perils to me ) 

A good walk in a nice place , some worthwhile labours , a decent meal and a decent night's sleep ... That's the best way I've found of keeping relatively sane, even when you feel like you have inadvertently wandered into a bob Dylan scenario ... Ride it out best you can and muster some respite at the end of it ....whenever that may be or whatever that may look like .... 

Now I'm relatively easy to please and by and large I'll let a lot of things slide but at the moment I've got my heels in the ground and I do think that it's a notable observation ...

I put out a little note into the internet ether the other day - regarding a few messages that I kicked out on the 6th of march to various members of the Plymouth city council ...concerning some unresolved issues we've had between us for a decade 

In-between some much disputed trees got cut down in the middle of the night ...

Despite the lengthy petition and faux public consultation processes that the admirable local STRAW - save the trees armada way we're able to rouse the trees were indeed hastily cut down in the middle of the night in a very rash action - fortunately a last minute injunction was issued and saved several if the trees before they had completed the works 

After which , Tory councilor Bingley issued a very  public and wordy resignation letter after a rather timely vote of no confidence by the limited opposition to the motion , in his public resignation Mr Bingley made some very notable references , I shared it at the time but it seems to have been removed from social media to the point of original source - vanished ....

The local political candidates are all clamouring for a piece of validity now that this environmental campaign has gone national and trying desperately to align themselves with the ' grass roots ' uprising

I notice that the funding commission in charge of the charities allocated budgets to tackle homelessness within the south west are to have Thier expenditures investigated - and low and behold it turns out that Cornwall county council won't be running an election for a mayoress in the end after all 

Whatever is currently coalescing out of the remains of Plymouth city council has come out with an antagonistic verbal attack on the leader of the STRAW campaign ( at least you get aknowledged - they are dodging me like proper bastards - that's alright lads nothing to see here - but that's ok we are used to that these days ) 

 

Since and subsequently, the girl I was madly in love with ran off with my rabbit - leaving me holding a few loose threads ...and a lot of bloody questions ...

And not for the first time ...

My first wife and I had a rather Rocky relationship - for various reasons but our culminative resolutions to go our own ways  were always at a time when I was in dispute with Plymouth city council .... I jokingly suggested at the time that because my mother in law at the time was a bit of a nightmare and liked shiny things that Plymouth city council had gotten to her ....

A beautiful and energetic young lady I was going to sail to Portugal with - actually ended up in the sunflower women's centre after insisting I was a terrible human being even  after I managed to resolve a housing dispute that Plymouth city council had abandoned their duty of care - just a small part of a hell of a situation during the pandemic - 

Despite the fact that she literally deliberately and vindictivly tried to ruin my career ( such as it is ) in a fantastically dramatic fashion with all manner of fabulous claims ...  Leaving me quite literally flabbergasted and completely shaken    I do still wish her well ,despite ...whatever the hell happened there and in fact , for a long time I was genuinely harrowed by what my misdemeanor might have been .... It came to light of course and was suitably dispelled , but bloody hell the word narcissistic is used these days like witch in days of old ....

And last but not least ....I organize a series of media driven exhibitions with my young lady friend and set the wheels in motion to get a little bit of an edge to an otherwise tiring exhibition circuit - a little bit political but just enough sass and some nice product to be able to carry the day , even in this dire economy 

And low and behold - I stick my head above the parapet and once again - vanished - how the hell you take a man's rabbit when you leave him on his birthday .....jeeez , that's proper bob Dylan weird afternoon merging right into a blues song of its own making .

 I like to leave my door open - I think it's a nice way to live , but for two damn weeks after that scale of betrayal I was locking the door ...for about those same two weeks there seemed to be a conspicuously small black bag left by my front door ... It took a lot of strength and quite a few days to make sure there wasn't a rabbit in there ... Jeeezuz , I know the internet and bitter old mother in law's are full of great advise about all manner of things ( but all of this online advise about - red flags - narcissistic mothers - narcissistic partners - borderline personality disorders - autism - dyspraxia - psychopaths - this insistence to completely shut out all communication - what if your not dealing with a correct diagnosis what if a misguided menopausal nightmare has completely misinterpreted a scene , based on a few internet videos and a government issued checklist and suddenly started pronouncing this and that ....WITCH !!  - then you are just being fucking cruel .... And maybe diplomacy would just be a better way to go in future ...

But again I'll reiterate , despite my misgivings and the damage these liasins have had in my faith in humanity .....  All good girls, im glad to have known all three  ... But you know I do have to wonder 

In fact There is a common meme going around I think - something along the lines of " when you find out the love of your life was just a CIA operative trying to derail you from your lifelong mission to destroy the government " 

...  Is that like a legit thing ? Or are there loads of people out there all having weird bob Dylan style afternoons , evenings , weeks , months and even years as mine seem to be quite recurring - despite my genuine desire to hang up my interest in the world of digital likes political engagement and nonsense  for a chilled middle age ....

No wonder I'm fed up ...

 

I'm sure I put a date on this one somewhere - the page before says the 29th December 2022 

One of the 101 reasons ....: Addendum series * 

Roughly outlined ,there is me in a tree with a seemingly broken megaphone 

Councilor Bingley and councilor Kelly of Plymouth city council try desperately to figure out a rubix cube budget handed down by whoever / whatever hairbrained megalomaniac helmsman or woman was ' in charge ' at the time 

While a few of the ladies from the rank and file of the various sub departments of the admin body I've had the personal misfortune if dealing with - dance themselves in hen party Facebook friend fashion through the urban hell they are all over invested in through the dangerously bloated and now precarious mortgage markets 

My former legal advisor shooting rabbit poops at the entire scene with the utter contempt it deserves... 

4 months and a day or two ago - shit a lot can happen in such a short time... 

A month to go until the general elections, a month since you left with my pet rabbit - two weeks since we've spoken - my head's a wreck and the political landscape here is electric - and it seems further across the board 🤔 Stretford council  - Glastonbury- Oxford - and I know of many others where a strange kind of grass roots kickback , under various guises are now going through the legal processes of retaining rights through insistances ... 

It's definitely an interesting old time out there at the moment ...

I've been trying to put some sensible words together over the past few days ... but I've been feeling pretty shit 

But am just punch drunk ... What the fuck just happened !? 

I think it was supposed to be our anniversary in a day or two ... Jeezus .....

Roots

 It's a strange year this year of the water rabbit ... 

Plans laid down , dashed to pieces and subsequent re drafts and contingency put into action , only to have to be honed and revised add lib in accordance with the temperament of the tide ...

Such is my experience with the old saying " the best laid plans of mice and men can often go awry " that I have sort of found a stoic comfort in being constantly on the road 

The rolling stone gathers no moss ....but these days I'm quite partial to a bit of moss ,I have been wrestling internally for a decade about how unwelcome I have been made to feel in this my native land - only by the bureaucrats and the adminz , the political and the management classes ....   but the more I have travelled around the more it appears to me that the favouritism that is granted by ' the mate from the council ' is indicative , not of proficiency in any given discipline ...well other than filling in funding applications and kissing ass 

It's been due to this seemingly corrupt little landscape that over the past ten years and more I've wandered from country to country ...  Looking for the perfect place to be ..the ideal location to sit and hide while the whole world eats itself 

But , whilst in this nomadic pilgrimage, I have bumped into so many souls , fellow travellers and static natives alike ...I have previously written about the many campfire reflections with the children of the world's countries and customs - each of us searching for our place in this burgeoning international community of wreckheads and lost souls 

I drew the conclusion a long while ago , that what all this direction less , rudder less near idealistic and hedonistic pursuit is futile ...

Paradise lost isn't out there ...and all of us of various ages all running away from the injustices of our own countries is just nuts , looking for an ideal out there somewhere , in a hammock , soaked in rum on some beach somewhere with room service and a soundtrack of your choice ?? Is that really what we are all looking for ?? 

Personally I doubt it , I've tried excessive indulgence of many kinds    .... The inevitability is always a hangover , of one form or another ... 

And yet , as great as travel is for a person ... certainly as beneficial a pursuit as reading - but that is to say , that if you spend all of your time reading mills and boon novels then you probably aren't going to be as well rounded an individual as someone with a more diverse reading habit 

The same is true of travel , trust me ...if you go somewhere , somewhere you don't even speak the language and you have a credit card and a plane ticket home - ok you might have a nice time , enjoy the weather and some time off - go to that same place without the return flight home , or the credit card for emergencies ....or either , you'll have a wholly different experience, sure it might be challenging ...but it will certainly render the more rounded individual at the end of it.

There is a common reflection that is batted around by the well seasoned traveller though ...and it's sling the lines of - the problem with travelling extensively is you start to loose a sense that you belong in a single place , that any one place can encapsulate ' home ' - because there are so many beautiful places and beautiful people out there in the world , even in comfortable surroundings you nostalgically ling for the smell of the jungle , the smell of the sea , the smell of the desert ....so you are always in a mild state of longing 

So to turn another phrase ...you get the travelling bug , and so the whole conundrum begins again 

It's nice to travel - but it's nice to belong too 

It's with this in mind that this little reflection came to fruition ... 

The spoils of war are going to yield a permanent rural retreat in South West Devon - this off-grid smallholding will be the u.k base of operations from this summer 

All of the cargo containers and scattered pop up enterprises will be in house in our beautiful and bespoke education facility in Devon 

At the same time - all of our scattered interests throughout Europe and North Africa will also be condensed into our brand new 3 floors bespoke arts facility in Nieuwmarkt Amsterdam ! 

Going back to the schedule of 3 weeks of the month sailing / farming in the u.k 

One week of the month in Amsterdam 

Plus the touring schedule .... 

So keep an eye on this ...it might be, once again, quite extraordinary xx